Birdmonster


ChairmanMeow

Every once in a while, life throws you two equally desirable choices that are mutually exclusive.

Sometimes you'll walk down the sidewalk and see a bird with a broken wing flailing about next to a pool of BBQ sauce, and across the street there will be two dogs that just did it and are stuck together, ripe for some teasing. However, by the time your done eating the bird, Rex's pink rocket will have come back to Earth. If you go moon Rex while he's perma-riding Trixie, some other alley cat will be treated to a plate of wounded sparrow.

Like that old dude in the last Indiana Jones movie said, "Choose Wisely." I have such a quandry. There are two shows in the city tonight, the well-proven Birdmonster CD release party and the up-and-coming The M's. Easy food versus doggy-fucking. Birdmonster versus The M's.

pzjyeah.jpg versus ms_bar01.jpg

I've twiddled this around my brain for a while, but I've finally come to a decision. I'm going with The M's at the Rickshaw, for multiple reasons.

  • They're playing at the Rickshaw Stop. Small venue, I've never been there.
  • I've seen Birdmonster twice since February.
  • I've never seen The M's.
  • The M's debut LP, "Future Women" rocks. More than Birdmonster's "No Midnight." It's close though.
  • I like doggy-fucking. And so do you.

So there you go. I'll have pics and a review up sometime before 2008.

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One of LP’s favorite local bands, Birdmonster, came out with their new album today. They were also featured in the Chron over the weekend. This is it, you guys. This is the point at which Birdmonster gets seriously famous. Next thing you know, they’ll be playing the Shoreline and they won’t talk to us anymore. Ok so maybe they never talked to us before. But now that they’ll have throngs of scantily clad chicks offering them unspeakable sex acts, they really won’t talk to us. (But, FYI guys, I hear Inman gives better head than any 18-year-old in a miniskirt ever could.)

Anyway, they have a record release party coming up at the Mezzanine Wednesday the 19th. Go see them. Love them. Buy their CD. Buy another one for your roommate to thank him for finally doing his damn dishes. As if we haven’t said it enough before, Birdmonster’s great live (even though they still haven’t answered our prayers and turned “Resurrection Song” into a 12-minute electro-rock-out-jamfest). If our praises alone aren’t reason enough to convince you to show up, one of the songs on the new album was written by my co-worker when she was in the fifth grade. No joke.

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Birdmonster played Cafe du Nord on Friday… We saw them just a month ago, but decided that since that show as free, we’d give them some of our hard-earned cash. And it’s incredibly hard earned considering that we’re cats. Apparently minimum wage doesn’t apply to felines. Lousy liberals. Or Conservatives. Lousy voters.

Doing the math (which I have a big advantage over humans because I am a polydactyl cat like my great Uncle Jake), that comes out to $4 a show. As you can tell by the pictures, there are four people in the band. Once again, my calculator-like brain and 24 toes says that comes out to $1 per band member (try and follow me, here). Adjusting for inflation and using Worthington’s law, Birdmonster has so far turned out to be the best bargain in music. Ever. Aside from sitting in Beethoven’s lap for free. Now that would be sweet.

But enough about how much they cost, what do the sound and look like?

They sound like this:
Birdmonster – Resurrection Song

And look like this:
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You can buy their full length album when it comes out. Which is soon. We hope. Next month, maybe? I don’t pay attention too good. More info at their Web site.

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Last night, Inman McFistington invited me to something called “Birdmonster”. Now,┬áInman and I both have a predilection for birds and have spent many a night dining on the feathery tasties. We had some catching up to do, so I was looking forward to going. But when we arrived at the Mezzanine, I realized Inman had other plans. I learned that Birdmonster was about to perform a musical set. That didn’t bother me. If my dinner wants to entertain me before being devoured, it’s all the same to me. But once it took the stage, I realized I could not eat it. And I humbly ask that you refrain from doing so as well.

Here I offer you the five reasons why I did not eat Birdmonster:

  1. As it turns out, a “Birdmonster” is much larger than your average bird (hence the name, I suppose). It also consists of four, separately moving parts. While this would normally just make for better sport, I was in no mood to chase down four creatures before eating. You know, sometimes I just want to be served. Also, it looked rather bony.
  2. Once it started playing, I realized that Birdmonster rocks. With solid musicianship, high energy and time changes that were all over the place, this was no shoegazer bullshit. The lead guitar was clean, rhythm guitar was loud and crunchy, vocals were heartfelt, and there was even a touch of country in “All the holes in the walls,” which in this crowd is ballsy. Extra points are awarded for bringing a cymbal out front for the guitar players to bash and knock over. The Birdmonster doesn’t forget that indie rock is, in fact, supposed to rock. Thank heavens for that.
  3. After the show, I bought a three-song EP. It was wrapped in plastic, but when I opened it this morning, I was delighted to find that it didn’t have that annoying sticky thingy on the top of the jewel case. Hallelujiah! My fur always gets stuck in those things, and ripping them off hurts like hell. For this reason alone, true music lovers should not eat Birdmonster. Just think of the pain and suffering that would be avoided if only more musicians were so kind. I dare say half the violence in this world would disappear.
  4. I think maybe Birdmonster’s rockingness might cancel out some of Cat Power’s suckingness.
  5. The last reason I decided not to eat Birdmonster is that the bassist’s hair is insane. I would’ve been hacking up furballs for weeks.

Thanks, Inman. And thank you for the rock, Birdmonster.